becauseihavenowife.com
| following Andy Polley as he travels around the world... |
So it's family vacation time. I've got the sweet family that goes every year.
We've made it a tradition of goin' down to Missouri for Lake of the Ozarks.
We take our boat, and we spend the entire week skiin', tubin', and eatin'.
It's great.
Well, this year, we decided to take along one of my friends. We like to call
him K-Niggit. Well, after all, that is his name. Anyway, K-Niggit and I are
pretty much buddy-buddy. We do everything we can together...from
spelunkin' to blowin' things up.
And so he joined the family for the week.
Well, one afternoon, we decided to take the boat out by ourselves.
Namely because there was this really gorgeous chick that pumped gas for
us at one of the docks, but I'm sure there were other reasons, too...I just
can't think of them.
Well, while out, we spotted a lil' cliff. Ok, so it wasn't jagged or dangerous
or anything, really. It was just a rock that jutted out into the lake. About 25
feet tall. We talked it over, and we decided to give it a shot.
A couple of locals were already jumpin' off the rock, and their bodies
seemed to come back up to the surface still moving, so that increased our
confidence quite a bit.
We turned off the engine of the boat and jumped out. We swam over to
the rock and proceeded to climb up the rocks. All in all, not too bad, but
climbing is quite different with bare feet. Even kind rocks prove to be
pretty downright offensive.
We made it to the top and looked out. Most people say that it feels like
you're so much higher when you're on top of something than what it looks
like from ground level. Thoughts like that simply just don't go through my
head. All I could think about was...
"Backflip or forwards flip?"
And so I jumped. I don't remember what I did first. But I filled the half-hour
with lots of jumps. Flips both forward and backward. It was great times,
and I had my fill.
Or so I thought.
You see, the afternoon was perfect. Sunshine. On the boat. Great meal
coming up later that evening. Cards with the fam that night. Maybe an
evening boat ride underneath the stars.
But there's something you should know 'bout K-Niggit and me. You see,
we seldom leave things as they should be. It's not that we try to push the
limits. We just don't know where the limits are until...well, until we find them.
And so we went back to the cabin and sat on the porch. But it wasn't long
before the question was asked...
"You want to go find a higher cliff?"
"Why do you ask stupid questions?"
And with that, we were off again. This time my brother and uncle went
along for the ride. It didn't take long to find higher cliffs. They are literally
all over the lake. But the problem is getting up to them.
And an even bigger problem is seeing below them. You see, as we were
looking higher and higher for cliffs, I was lookin' lower and lower and
wondering what was underneath that water. Lakes aren't like swimming
pools. The "walls" don't go straight down.
Well, we eventually found a cliff. And it tapered all the way down until it hit
the water. So K-Niggit and I grabbed some life jackets and swam towards
the spot where water hit rock.
We climbed up onto the rocks (a bit difficult) and then proceeded to walk
up the cliff. Trees were everywhere. And as you walked, you were
constantly reminded of how careful you must be. Forest on the right.
Open air and a huge fall on the left. No room for mistakes.
We climbed up to the place which we had seen from the boat. It was a
small little platform made out of rock. But frankly, it was only halfway up
the cliff, and for two young men, that was completely unacceptable. So we
kept on walking higher and higher.
And then we found it.
It wasn't much. Hardly anything at all, really. And that is what made it so
beautiful. It was a TINY ledge with room enough for four feet. You
stepped onto it, and you were over the rocky ledges below you. Quite
impressive.
Now here's the scenario:
1. We are over sixty feet above the water (we would later measure the
distance with a tape measure...63 feet, 2 inches).
2. We have no idea what is below that water. My uncle had performed
"clearing dives" to see if there were any rocks, and we had used a depth
finder earlier to see if anything was there. But it's different when fishing.
You see, I can trust an electronic instrument to tell me how deep the fish
are. Bluegill 14 feet below the water. Sweet! I mean, really, what do I care
if that fish is 14 feet below the water or 8 feet? And I really don't care if
that lil' fish is swimmin' next to rocks or through open water. Doesn't really
matter to me. So I can trust that Fish Finder with no problems.
That changes when you are 60 feet in the air. I had the least amount of
trust in that electronic unit...and only slightly more in my uncle. I mean,
sure there were no rocks where he dove. But what if I don't dive there?! A
rock only needs to be a foot long to kill me. I mean, really!
3. We are men, so we can't turn back. There was only one way back into
that boat, and it only required one act.
(For the record, I was looking straight down into the boat. As in you
couldn't see the sides of the boat. We were that high).
Oh, and I should probably mention here that we are not above water. Yes,
yes, we are next to the water, but we are not directly above the water. You
see, the cliff kind of slowly tapered into the water below us. So there was
about three or four feet of rock that we needed to clear on the way down
before we would actually hit the water. If we would just roll off of the ledge,
we would hit nothin' but rocks. Well, I'm sure we would eventually hit water,
but maybe in separate stages. My arm would probably hit sometime.
Then my head a few seconds later. And the rest of my torso might come
tumblin' in at some point, too...well, if it didn't get stuck in a crevice
somewhere.
Now...with all that said...I was excited. Moreso excited than nervous.
Which is just quite simply how guys work. It doesn't make sense, and I
don't mean for it to, but that was the situation.
And, so, as any good man would do, I said to K-Niggit, "I'll see you at the
bottom."
I stepped onto the platform, I leaned all of my weight back to the forest,
and then I threw all of it out towards the water.
My thoughts? Now if I just spread out a little bit, I won't go as far
underneath the water, and I have less of a chance of dying. So I flailed my
arms as I'm plummeting towards the water (you have to...you really have
no choice...it just happens!).
Here it comes....
Let me try to give you a visual here. From the side. My legs are slighly
bent up towards my torso. So my shins are actually what first. And frankly,
that's the end of the story. Nothing else really mattered.
My legs and chest met with such force that I had no oxygen. I mean, none.
I came up out of water unable to breathe! My knees had completely
knocked all of the air out of me, and my head had been thrown forward to
my knees. It was not a pleasant fall.
But I had good news. No rocks!!! Sure, I couldn't breathe, but at least I
had limbs that needed oxygen! I think I would rather have that than have
completely capable lungs which have no place to send the much-needed
gas!
I was alive!
After a minute or two, I was back to normal. And more than excited to
watch my friend jump. Man, that's really high from the water.
But K-Niggit would not jump. He simply could not bring himself to do it. So
what's a good friend like me do?
Moral Support! "Oh, come on, K-Niggit! Look at me! I'm alive! Just don't
land like I did. Jump like a pencil!"
Nothing. He just stood there. For eight minutes.
The current was pushing me away from him, so I swam back so that I could
be in front of him. Little did I know how important this little move would be.
"Jump already!"
I had somewhat given up on him. K-Niggit is rough and tough, but he's
sometimes hesitant, too. Not a bad hesitant, per se, but often a
destructive hesitant. You see, in some things in life, you can't hold back.
Because if you do, you're worse off than if you just go all out. Like a
gainer off a diving board. You better go all out or not at all.
And then he jumped. It took me by surprise! And I'll be if he didn't start
rotating (ever so slowly) on the way down. But even the "ever so slowly"
has enough time in that distance to catch up with you.
SPLASH!
"Oh, man, that had to hurt!"
He comes up in the water! "EL..BE...! EL...BE!"
"Yeah, I know, it hurts doesn't it?! Oh, man, isn't that awesome?!"
You see, my eyes had just watched K-Niggit slowly rotate to his side on the
jump. And he landed right on his side. So my mind heard, "Elbow, elbow."
And granted, it did sound like that. I thought he had landed smack dab on
his elbow. Like me, he was in pain, but he had made it! A bruise for the
chicks, but he would live. But in reality, he was actually saying (as I would
later find out), "Help me! Help me!"
And so I wasn't prepared for what happened next.
"JOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHH!!!!!!" I screamed. A loud, fearful deep
scream.
My friend had just gone face forward in the water, not moving. He was
drowning.
I can't even begin to tell you how bodies work sometimes. It doesn't always
make sense to me. But I can guarantee you that if you placed an Olympic
swimmer next to me that day, he would have wondered if four years was
enough training.
I have no words really to describe my thoughts. I had only one thing on my
mind. Get to my friend.
I made it to him, and I flipped him over. Water poured out of his mouth.
Again, no words. My brother had also seen the jump, and he had brought
the boat over, arriving at the same time to K-Niggit as I did. We drug his
body over to the boat, needing to get him where we could do CPR.
We were at the back of the boat, and then, for whatever reason, he came
to. He started coughing, but he was back. But he was crazy. K-Niggit
became incredibly violent with my brother and me. He started punching
us, and he had no idea why we were grabbing him.
After we made sure he was in the boat, we let him know what had
happened. And there, too, we saw his side. He literally had an entire body
bruise from top to bottom. The beauty of it all? The bruise was artistic,
with water marks here and there. It was quite something to see.
I didn't recover so well from this incident. I couldn't really talk on the boat.
My bro, uncle, and K-Niggit tried making jokes out of it, but I was alone in
the front, not really sure what to think.
When we got back to shore, I left the cabin and had to go for a walk. I was
pretty messed up. Even writing this story is difficult! Writing about
swimming over to him is incredibly rough.
I can now tell the story, and I have often. But I really couldn't for quite
awhile. People always wanted to know about it, but I was content to let
them remain in the dark. It was rough tellin' 'em that my friend almost died
in my hands!
Anyway, that made for an interesting vacation. K-Niggit hasn't gone with
me on any more vacations, but the best part about it all?
If I called him up and asked him, he would be there in a heartbeat.
We've made it a tradition of goin' down to Missouri for Lake of the Ozarks.
We take our boat, and we spend the entire week skiin', tubin', and eatin'.
It's great.
Well, this year, we decided to take along one of my friends. We like to call
him K-Niggit. Well, after all, that is his name. Anyway, K-Niggit and I are
pretty much buddy-buddy. We do everything we can together...from
spelunkin' to blowin' things up.
And so he joined the family for the week.
Well, one afternoon, we decided to take the boat out by ourselves.
Namely because there was this really gorgeous chick that pumped gas for
us at one of the docks, but I'm sure there were other reasons, too...I just
can't think of them.
Well, while out, we spotted a lil' cliff. Ok, so it wasn't jagged or dangerous
or anything, really. It was just a rock that jutted out into the lake. About 25
feet tall. We talked it over, and we decided to give it a shot.
A couple of locals were already jumpin' off the rock, and their bodies
seemed to come back up to the surface still moving, so that increased our
confidence quite a bit.
We turned off the engine of the boat and jumped out. We swam over to
the rock and proceeded to climb up the rocks. All in all, not too bad, but
climbing is quite different with bare feet. Even kind rocks prove to be
pretty downright offensive.
We made it to the top and looked out. Most people say that it feels like
you're so much higher when you're on top of something than what it looks
like from ground level. Thoughts like that simply just don't go through my
head. All I could think about was...
"Backflip or forwards flip?"
And so I jumped. I don't remember what I did first. But I filled the half-hour
with lots of jumps. Flips both forward and backward. It was great times,
and I had my fill.
Or so I thought.
You see, the afternoon was perfect. Sunshine. On the boat. Great meal
coming up later that evening. Cards with the fam that night. Maybe an
evening boat ride underneath the stars.
But there's something you should know 'bout K-Niggit and me. You see,
we seldom leave things as they should be. It's not that we try to push the
limits. We just don't know where the limits are until...well, until we find them.
And so we went back to the cabin and sat on the porch. But it wasn't long
before the question was asked...
"You want to go find a higher cliff?"
"Why do you ask stupid questions?"
And with that, we were off again. This time my brother and uncle went
along for the ride. It didn't take long to find higher cliffs. They are literally
all over the lake. But the problem is getting up to them.
And an even bigger problem is seeing below them. You see, as we were
looking higher and higher for cliffs, I was lookin' lower and lower and
wondering what was underneath that water. Lakes aren't like swimming
pools. The "walls" don't go straight down.
Well, we eventually found a cliff. And it tapered all the way down until it hit
the water. So K-Niggit and I grabbed some life jackets and swam towards
the spot where water hit rock.
We climbed up onto the rocks (a bit difficult) and then proceeded to walk
up the cliff. Trees were everywhere. And as you walked, you were
constantly reminded of how careful you must be. Forest on the right.
Open air and a huge fall on the left. No room for mistakes.
We climbed up to the place which we had seen from the boat. It was a
small little platform made out of rock. But frankly, it was only halfway up
the cliff, and for two young men, that was completely unacceptable. So we
kept on walking higher and higher.
And then we found it.
It wasn't much. Hardly anything at all, really. And that is what made it so
beautiful. It was a TINY ledge with room enough for four feet. You
stepped onto it, and you were over the rocky ledges below you. Quite
impressive.
Now here's the scenario:
1. We are over sixty feet above the water (we would later measure the
distance with a tape measure...63 feet, 2 inches).
2. We have no idea what is below that water. My uncle had performed
"clearing dives" to see if there were any rocks, and we had used a depth
finder earlier to see if anything was there. But it's different when fishing.
You see, I can trust an electronic instrument to tell me how deep the fish
are. Bluegill 14 feet below the water. Sweet! I mean, really, what do I care
if that fish is 14 feet below the water or 8 feet? And I really don't care if
that lil' fish is swimmin' next to rocks or through open water. Doesn't really
matter to me. So I can trust that Fish Finder with no problems.
That changes when you are 60 feet in the air. I had the least amount of
trust in that electronic unit...and only slightly more in my uncle. I mean,
sure there were no rocks where he dove. But what if I don't dive there?! A
rock only needs to be a foot long to kill me. I mean, really!
3. We are men, so we can't turn back. There was only one way back into
that boat, and it only required one act.
(For the record, I was looking straight down into the boat. As in you
couldn't see the sides of the boat. We were that high).
Oh, and I should probably mention here that we are not above water. Yes,
yes, we are next to the water, but we are not directly above the water. You
see, the cliff kind of slowly tapered into the water below us. So there was
about three or four feet of rock that we needed to clear on the way down
before we would actually hit the water. If we would just roll off of the ledge,
we would hit nothin' but rocks. Well, I'm sure we would eventually hit water,
but maybe in separate stages. My arm would probably hit sometime.
Then my head a few seconds later. And the rest of my torso might come
tumblin' in at some point, too...well, if it didn't get stuck in a crevice
somewhere.
Now...with all that said...I was excited. Moreso excited than nervous.
Which is just quite simply how guys work. It doesn't make sense, and I
don't mean for it to, but that was the situation.
And, so, as any good man would do, I said to K-Niggit, "I'll see you at the
bottom."
I stepped onto the platform, I leaned all of my weight back to the forest,
and then I threw all of it out towards the water.
My thoughts? Now if I just spread out a little bit, I won't go as far
underneath the water, and I have less of a chance of dying. So I flailed my
arms as I'm plummeting towards the water (you have to...you really have
no choice...it just happens!).
Here it comes....
Let me try to give you a visual here. From the side. My legs are slighly
bent up towards my torso. So my shins are actually what first. And frankly,
that's the end of the story. Nothing else really mattered.
My legs and chest met with such force that I had no oxygen. I mean, none.
I came up out of water unable to breathe! My knees had completely
knocked all of the air out of me, and my head had been thrown forward to
my knees. It was not a pleasant fall.
But I had good news. No rocks!!! Sure, I couldn't breathe, but at least I
had limbs that needed oxygen! I think I would rather have that than have
completely capable lungs which have no place to send the much-needed
gas!
I was alive!
After a minute or two, I was back to normal. And more than excited to
watch my friend jump. Man, that's really high from the water.
But K-Niggit would not jump. He simply could not bring himself to do it. So
what's a good friend like me do?
Moral Support! "Oh, come on, K-Niggit! Look at me! I'm alive! Just don't
land like I did. Jump like a pencil!"
Nothing. He just stood there. For eight minutes.
The current was pushing me away from him, so I swam back so that I could
be in front of him. Little did I know how important this little move would be.
"Jump already!"
I had somewhat given up on him. K-Niggit is rough and tough, but he's
sometimes hesitant, too. Not a bad hesitant, per se, but often a
destructive hesitant. You see, in some things in life, you can't hold back.
Because if you do, you're worse off than if you just go all out. Like a
gainer off a diving board. You better go all out or not at all.
And then he jumped. It took me by surprise! And I'll be if he didn't start
rotating (ever so slowly) on the way down. But even the "ever so slowly"
has enough time in that distance to catch up with you.
SPLASH!
"Oh, man, that had to hurt!"
He comes up in the water! "EL..BE...! EL...BE!"
"Yeah, I know, it hurts doesn't it?! Oh, man, isn't that awesome?!"
You see, my eyes had just watched K-Niggit slowly rotate to his side on the
jump. And he landed right on his side. So my mind heard, "Elbow, elbow."
And granted, it did sound like that. I thought he had landed smack dab on
his elbow. Like me, he was in pain, but he had made it! A bruise for the
chicks, but he would live. But in reality, he was actually saying (as I would
later find out), "Help me! Help me!"
And so I wasn't prepared for what happened next.
"JOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHH!!!!!!" I screamed. A loud, fearful deep
scream.
My friend had just gone face forward in the water, not moving. He was
drowning.
I can't even begin to tell you how bodies work sometimes. It doesn't always
make sense to me. But I can guarantee you that if you placed an Olympic
swimmer next to me that day, he would have wondered if four years was
enough training.
I have no words really to describe my thoughts. I had only one thing on my
mind. Get to my friend.
I made it to him, and I flipped him over. Water poured out of his mouth.
Again, no words. My brother had also seen the jump, and he had brought
the boat over, arriving at the same time to K-Niggit as I did. We drug his
body over to the boat, needing to get him where we could do CPR.
We were at the back of the boat, and then, for whatever reason, he came
to. He started coughing, but he was back. But he was crazy. K-Niggit
became incredibly violent with my brother and me. He started punching
us, and he had no idea why we were grabbing him.
After we made sure he was in the boat, we let him know what had
happened. And there, too, we saw his side. He literally had an entire body
bruise from top to bottom. The beauty of it all? The bruise was artistic,
with water marks here and there. It was quite something to see.
I didn't recover so well from this incident. I couldn't really talk on the boat.
My bro, uncle, and K-Niggit tried making jokes out of it, but I was alone in
the front, not really sure what to think.
When we got back to shore, I left the cabin and had to go for a walk. I was
pretty messed up. Even writing this story is difficult! Writing about
swimming over to him is incredibly rough.
I can now tell the story, and I have often. But I really couldn't for quite
awhile. People always wanted to know about it, but I was content to let
them remain in the dark. It was rough tellin' 'em that my friend almost died
in my hands!
Anyway, that made for an interesting vacation. K-Niggit hasn't gone with
me on any more vacations, but the best part about it all?
If I called him up and asked him, he would be there in a heartbeat.
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